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 What was Once Lost

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PostSubject: What was Once Lost    Sun Sep 01, 2013 2:12 am

One day I woke up and he was flooding my mind -- his voice exploding in my torso and shimmying into my heart. His smell molding to my tongue.
I have never met him or heard his voice.
The voice dances on the wind
dives below the earth.
I want to frame every pitch that rolls off his carved tongue.
A tongue that exists somewhere.

That was the day the world drove itself into chaos and people became warm glasses of water.

Reaching down, I wring my hands around the grass and pull.

"I need you." I tell the tips of green that peek through my fingers. Coal is tossed into the flames rolling in my mind and a finger twitches.

I want to pluck the heart of anyone that touches him and bury them in a box. Take blades of grass and weave them into a sword to defend him. Kill the sword with ice. I will fish him out of a sea of lies and wonders. He needs to be laced to me.

The shaking subsides when I release the grass.


Such a simple name that my mother chose for me. Lace -- threads that yearn to possess one another, become obsessed with one another.

The sunlight is obsessed with my blue eyes. It likes to whirl with the churning water, creating a violet hue. My hair hangs in bundles around my head. I push the  brown locks back with stressed fingers and yearning thoughts.

Ever since the minds were put on a leash and left to rot--
ever since my mind was the only one left untouched--
I haven't had an intelligent conversation -- one I would want to water and reap -- since before my dream.

That was one month ago.
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PostSubject: Re: What was Once Lost    Sun Sep 01, 2013 2:41 am

i knew a boy with
eyes of fire and gold
left in the footprints
of where he once stood.

he would roar to the
gods and stars,
declaring to be
as dauntless as a king
& as regal as a lion.

"ad lucem,"
he proclaimed
to the night when leo
would tempt the virgin
from her ethereal

nine times around the
sun & moon did he roam
loyal fangs bared
to shield his empire,
and his lady

my lion boy
dances with flames.

Her eyes were like pools of water, so clear one could see into her soul. The deep blue reminding me of mid-morning dew – when the sun awoke his lazy lover with teasing kisses, gentling the earth into daylight. They were the first piece of everything that took his notice. Her eyes were truly unexceptional – common – to everyone but him, for he could think of nothing else.

The second was the way her fingers glided across her lips, like there was a secret she could not say out loud - tracing her lips to preventing them from the sweet movement that he had always craved to see. Sometimes a frown shows when she is sure no one is looking, followed by a wistful sigh and a simple dust of the palm across that silent mouth, trying to push the frustration and ire and words away. Sometimes a tear rolls past her knuckles; one she fails to catch at the source because she is scared to scrape her eyes raw, so she brushes them away after they have fallen in the crook of her pink lips.

She always hides her mouth, as if she is afraid to speak.

The third was the way her fingers tug together, like that of a child craving attention. Like she had the world trapped in the creases of her tiny fists and was afraid it would slip through the hollows of her fingers. She always threads them together, as if she is afraid she will be left behind.

What came next he could not and cannot remember. Perhaps it had all fallen into place all at once after the first three or perhaps the rest had not mattered. The end result was simply the same.

Rà would carve the fucking moon out of the sky for her.
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PostSubject: Re: What was Once Lost    Sun Sep 01, 2013 11:03 am

Walking among the broken, I get lost in my mind. Anyone that passes me doesn't make eyes contact or smile.

The curve of lips, rolling tears, expressions -- I would lock them away in my memory in a box. The key would be buried in grass in front of my house. I reside at an abandoned house on the outskirts of the city -- where nobody lives anymore. My real home is in the waves of the imagination and mind and memories. I remember when my mom would call to ask about my day and I could spill my thoughts.

Now, she's dead. Her mind doesn't allow her to live. I disowned her as my mother the day before I dreamed about him.

"Mom? Mom what's going on?" My voice leaked into the telephone line of my one-bedroom apartment. The fire burned in my stomach and yearned to be frozen by my mother's reassurance. Sweaty hands clutched the phone, knowing that I had no cell service or television.

Television, though, was for weak minds who possessed no imagination -- at times, I would feel like rubbing sandpaper over my ears when I watched the news.

"Honey, it's the rebuilding of a better world. Lacy, haven't you been watching the news?" Her soft voice pours into my ears, I fight it into a box, remembering the sound for all eternity. "The Counselor is a great man who thinks of the world. He doesn't like the chaotic world today so he's starting our brains over, in a sense. Emotions will be void for quite a while but then we will remember who we had connections with."

Emotions and Words were torn lovers. They would dance together, passing through the lips of a human and Emotion would compliment his love, Word. They would mix in the air. Sometimes they would become angry at one another but passion would allow them to entwine. He would always cry with her.

I allow them to live quietly with me -- sleeping together and rolling together in the endless fields.

"You should come with your father and I, Lacy. We can go together and rebuild the world." Happiness stains her voice and I can almost hear her smile.  

"Mom, are you insane? You would let him erase your memories, delete my existence from your mind? You will never be the same." A finger twitches. It drums against the phone and Emotion throws on the coals.

"Lacy, don't worry. I will never forget about you -- the Counselor promised that. You will always remain in my heart. You are twenty-one so you're able to make up your own mind. You best come, though. It's the law." She tells me and I let Word snap the cord.

"Sorry, Mom. I love you but I won't go through with this. Please don't do the same. I'll always love you." I tell her as lashes strain the liquid pouring from the violet glass.

"I love you, too, Lacy. Goodbye."

I moved from the city of lies and the Broken taking Emotions and Words with me.
Two lovers trapped in my head, never to mingle with other couples.
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PostSubject: Re: What was Once Lost    Sun Sep 01, 2013 11:47 am

The king stood steady and rigid, like of a marble statue, by the massive glass window overlooking the Dauntless empire. His back casting shadows from the vast fireplace that glowed with the dying embers of a once roaring fire, dying with the day outside. A faint warmth rested on the king's inked back, the black scrolling over and up his spine, absorbing whatever heat they could find as if they had been starved all their lives.

Several hundred feet below, in the outside world, the red ocean waves gently pulsed against the crumbling city as the glow of a new sunrise spread its fingers of light across the surface. Smoke billowed from the ruins – ruins that slowly became more than crumbling stone with each given day - tainting the sky a garish gray color, reminding the king of the death and chaos that had raged on only hours earlier. The hollow that was now commencing gave an eerie silence that weighed heavily upon His Majesty's shoulders.

The destruction was a clear indicator that the Ruined would accept nothing else but complete and total submission. Dozens of the Counselor’s men had come with the shadows of the night, storming the glimmering shores when the Dauntless slept. More fire and sorrows to those who had already had shoulders too heavy to burden.

The Counselor would pay and Rà would darken his doorstep this noon.

“Give me the Counselor,” Rà’s voice sliced through the room as his feet slapped the cold marble of the floor, standing in the residence of the Counselor and his Advisors. The house containing none of the warmth of a home and all of the chill of the Ruined’s leader and commander.

Rà shoulders past the suited men at the door, pushing his way through to make his way down the hall and towards the “Room of Rule” that the Counselor never seemed to leave.

None even attempted to stop him with more than words because they knew the broadness of his shoulders and chest was built with steel beneath the flesh that covered him. Rà had yet to encounter a man capable of taking him down in a battle. And those who tried were the ones who paid the price with their lives for Rà had yet to be defeated.

“Counselor!” Rà roared as he threw open the doors to the Room of Rule so hard that they slammed against the walls behind them and coming forward once more.

“Ah, Warrior King of the Dauntless, Rà – they mighty lion of the Unsilenced rebellion,” a voice came from the front of the room, addressing Rà by his honored title in such a tone that it came out dry and mocking.

Coming to a halt in the middle of the room, his sharp jaw clench so tightly that the muscles protruded through the skin on his face, “Counselor, Commanding Leader of the Reborn and advocate of Silence.” Rà returned the favor as his eyes fixed upon the man seated at the front of the room.
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PostSubject: Re: What was Once Lost    Sun Sep 01, 2013 12:18 pm

I moved that day and found myself sleeping in the place that I now call my home.  

This is the first time since my Mother’s phone call that I am out on the streets – away from the safe haven of my home. I have not heard anything and nobody has bothered me.

Worse yet, my mother has not called.

Blinking from my thoughts, I stare into the passing eyes eager to find some reaction



Until the word, “rebuild” whirls me to the right, searching for the source. Two men – one in a suit and the other in layered clothes around his hips with a red tie around his waist. Black armour hangs off his right shoulder and black ink winds its way up his neck. I have never seen such bizarre attire and the first time I have seen red on a human. The two are across the street and the armoured man is shaking the proper man.

Casually, I make my way across the street trying to looks as broken as possible.

“Brother, listen to me.” The armoured man growls and the couple living inside me leaps with joy – they have found another pair at last. The first time that I have heard of anger come from a person’s lips.

“Sir, leave me alone.” The dry sponge of a voice passes through uncaring lips. Formality soaking into the sponge and never ceasing.

“You have to come with me – I can take you to our people.” The other breathes.

Breathing. Something that I have not been able to do properly since before the world crumbled. The possibility of freedom has restricted my breaths. I have to steal from the Broken and live with no power. The Counselor does not know that I am alive and he never will.

The Breather speaks in a low voice, glancing around him in a moment of panic. “Brother, you need to remember me. I’m from the—” His voice drops an octave lower. “Dauntless. You need to—“

The look on the Breather’s face is frozen when the Broken begins to yell. “The Daunted! The Daunted!” He repeats it in a loud, monotonous tone. Everyone stops in the streets, frozen with dry looks on their faces. The Breather looks for an escape route, his mind whirling through the possibilities.  

A man dressed in a low-collared, black suit stops behind the Breather. Hands shield my mouth, scolding the lips to stay silent as the man plunges a syringe into the back of the Breather’s neck. When the Breather crumbles to the cement, I turn and run down the alley I’m hiding in.

The sun follows me with mockery, lighting my path as I weave around the houses, legs pumping. Glaring up at the ball of life, I have the urge to wrap my hands around its rays and squeeze the life out. I want to slap black tar over the sky. The winking stars could be weaved into a basket and thrown into a fire never to roam the night with the moon again.    

And yet, he is the sky. Somewhere he is lying among the stars, counting the amount of heartbeats it will take until I find him.

Until he finds me.

Last edited by Lacy on Sun Sep 01, 2013 12:41 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: What was Once Lost    Sun Sep 01, 2013 12:37 pm

those masculine thighs that take long, hard strides and demand my 'up' most attention, even when my eyes are dead locked below. that feral hair that falls naturally into chaos at its perfection, almost ravished in its appearance. and i wonder if hands as soft as petals have been allowed to stir it as so. if they greet him as he arrive back, safe and bid him adieu as he takes everything with him when he leave.

those mixed matched green and slate gray orbs that never fail to bring a lesser being’s heart into their throat, drowning any hapless victims into a trance of his Fury, Dread, Passion, Tangled Desires, Conflicted Obstacles, and Foolish Pride.

how he stands there so Arrogantly, his arms crossed to his chest as he speaks with my father. and the lion man is eating a forbidden fruit that i faintly Taste on my lips but do not Dare eat in front of any eyes – not even my own.

Daring, no, he Tempts my innocent mortal lips to Taste even a drop of the succulent juice swirling down his warm and inviting sun-kissed wrist as he beckons me forward without even a word. without even his eyes.

his feline grace enchants me.

shadowed elegance wrapped up in a tousled form – dark Seduction in Cruel musings and Superior intelligence.

he is the snake in the garden of eden and he is offering me something beyond what my mortal mind can even begin to fathom.




to take it.

to willingly drink in the sight of his lithe frame and dance within his crystal dreams.

but i cannot because this is not a dream and this lion man is not offering, it is simply a Cruel Farce my mind wishes to prey upon me. it is my mind that Craves what is forbidden, it Wants to dance with Judas, look upon the face of god, and become an angel in his court of demons.

but i am Nothing more than a faint recollection of myself, flashes of broken Emotions across a stone cold expression of indifference. a young girl who failed to defeat the insidious King seated to her right, who’s introspective, self-righteous journey forced her to

play the game of Silence.

when the lion king’s eyes search out mine as i sit alongside my father, i barely contain a jolt of something i Dare not and refuse to name.


he is the lion king,
enemy of my father.
my enemy
so i will greet him with cold indifference

although he is the poison apple
i covet to taste

and i am nothing.
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PostSubject: Re: What was Once Lost    Sun Sep 01, 2013 1:28 pm

The violet reaches up to caress the sun, my hair creates waves in the grass, I feel alone.

I run my arms up and down the grass in hopes to turn myself into a winged creature and fly from this place. I want to search for him while the moon divorces the earth.

Don’t ever speak. Ever. Speaking will get me in the hands of the Counselor. Words “dauntless” and “daunted” are never to be said. My mind is the only safe haven I can possess. Even this house I live in is never safe. All of it is controlled by the Counsellor.

I have never seen a bird in the sky or heard a dog bark. Staring up at the sky, I feel something on my hand. A ladybug climbs its way onto my finger. I raise the small creature up to my eyes.

As of this moment in time, the only companion I have is the bug weaving its way through my fingers – Fingers eager to clutch at his hands and pull at his biceps.

After the lady flies away, my hand drops and my heart plummets into loneliness – a feeling that is like a maggot eating me from the inside out. The feeling rattles around, puking on my heart and slobbering up my soul.

I’ll write a love letter to the moon – knowing that it is his existence. He is my universe. He patrols the night sky, keeping watch on the flirtatious stars.

“My universe,” I would write, “keep me tempted from sleep.
Let the ivy of passion crawl up and wrap
around your smile.
I would take a stone and bury your
capture your soul like a firefly.

My love for you blossoms at midnight and
radiates come morning. I would shield you
from the sun, never allowing you to be touched
by her again but to shine with my love.
After she retires,
I would hang you in the dark
wrapping you in glass
concealing you from harm.

During the day, we would roam together
the tales would revolve around our love.
Gossip only passing through our ears
to be lost in the abyss of everything

I'd hope only your eyes would graze the thoughts and words and emotions plastered on the page.

Laid out just for you.
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PostSubject: Re: What was Once Lost    Sun Sep 01, 2013 1:51 pm

“You have slaughtered my people,” Rà voice showed no weakness as his unwavering gaze accused the man of horrors the lion king knew he had ordered upon the Dauntless people.

The voice that was returned was so cold, it seemed to form ice crystals in the air. The Counselor was a man of the purest Silence, he showed now flaws and there was no hint of there ever having been emotion, “Your people have slaughtered themselves.”

Fury rose and choked Rà until he felt as though red bled into his eyes and into his lungs, “You dare say such a—“

“Your people are savages, ruled by their emotions since they have broken the law and refused Silence,” the Counselor was sharp as a blade as he cut with his silver tongue, “they have run when they were commanded to stay and thus, they have deserved what they have received.”

Rà let out a bellow that sounded of pure savage, his arms uncross and tensing as though he wanted nothing more than to wrap it around the Counselor’s neck, snapping him like the twig he knew necks to be.

But Rà would do no such thing this day. The Ruined were naïve and would fall into chaos should their Commanding Leader fall prey to the Dauntless King. Rà would only end up making a martyr out of the man.

“You know nothing,” the lion king, rasped out before squaring your shoulders, “We will return the gesture, Counselor. I pity you for you are the King of Fools.”

And with one last glance of his eyes to the daughter, he watched as her pupils dilated which only succeeded in making him wildly hungry. And as quickly as the feeling arouse he became frightened.

Frightened of her sheer fragility, as if the lightest of passes of his fingertips over her flesh would cause her to shatter and wither away beyond his reach.

And with the last glance, he left.
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PostSubject: Re: What was Once Lost    Sun Sep 01, 2013 1:54 pm

Before I wake, I am wrapped in a cocoon of voices. Conversations arise out of the calm waves washing through my head. I’m remembering conversations I had with my parents and friends – friends who enjoyed writing just as much as I did – friends who gave in to the Counselor and thought he was a “good man” do the “right thing for his people.”

“Lacy.” The voice of my best friend is the loudest of them all. “Don’t you think you should do the right thing?”

That conversation happened after my mother and I spoke. I called Marie right after my mother and I hung up. I had hoped that she would have the sense to not follow through with the Counselor. Her parents, I could sense, were forcing her into this decision.

“You are your own person, Marie. Make up your own mind.” I pleaded, nails wanting to reach through the phone and hold onto her. I feared the phone would shatter beneath my grip.

“I’m sorry, Luce, I believe this is the right thing. If we want to have a new beginning, the Counselor’s way is the only way. I swear. My dad works for him and he’s told us that we have to comply.” She replies with something tainting her melodic voice.  

The voices vanish in my sleep but I remember that those were some of the last words she spoke to me. Gasping, my eyes open to stare up at the cracked, wooden ceiling. I continue to hear voices but realize that they are not in my head – in my dreams. No.

They are coming from outside.

Rough voices are heard and I freeze, molded to the bed. My spine cracks into ice and I remain rigid and silent. No.

“This one’s next.”

Liquid is being poured onto my floorboards downstairs. My books are down there. My entire imagination is down there. The works of Austen, Wordsworth, and Burns sit on my ratty shelf near the torn couch I would sit on. Their words seem to call out to me. “Save us. Save us, please.”

I move on terrified feet through my room, taking hold of my emergency bag which contains Shakespeare, clothes and food. I snipe a few more clothing articles and an extra water bottle or two. Before exiting out my winding, I hear the screams of the dying works of some of my favourite authors and poets. I listen to the fire ignite and lick up the remains of my life. My finger twitches on the window frame and I have the urge to dive into the flames and caress my books -- help them to their final destination.

I do what normal beings would do in a frenzy of fears – I fled.

Last edited by Lacy on Sun Sep 01, 2013 1:57 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: What was Once Lost    Sun Sep 01, 2013 1:56 pm

i sometimes wish i could forget him.

sometimes, i wish i could forget the way I knew the sun must caress his skin and how greedy and selfish and jealous i felt that the sun could wrap itself around him and warm him.

i wish i wish i wish

sometimes i wish i could forget the shade of his eyes and the sound of his breathing and the sound of his voice, as i imagine him whispering in the dark. it would be raspy and so low i could feel it in my chest and it would make me quiver with something i do know how to describe.

oh how i wish.

sometimes, i wish the lion king in my thoughts was just a faceless black shadow who had never and would never stumble onto my doorway.

because maybe then my chest wouldn’t hurt the way it does, as if i’m being crush and shaken and squeezed until every last bit of me soaks the floor and until i’m nothing

not even a beating heart and a frozen mind.

So i cast wishes on the star so that they may help me forget him

And i wish i wish i wish

“savages, all of them,” my father’s voices pulls me from the abyss my mind has thrown me into.

“do not fret, father,” my voice is so dead, i feel as though my flesh will slide right from my lips and onto the floor by my feet, i can’t even recognize the sound of me.

Who am i?

Have i ever been?

“he is nothing,” i say.

he is everything, my heart whispers.

he is the beginning.

he is the observer, the historian, and the sage.

he is the memory.

he is laughter and tears.

I am war and he is peace.
or is it the other way?

he is every breath.

he is every moment.

he is everything.

he is the end.

i am the girl made of pin-bones. hollow and open, and split into myself with the raw feeling of a healing wound that i cannot cry out about. i make me uncomfortable, and i cannot stop.

i am stuck

my father places his hand upon my head and i am unsure whether it is to center himself or to center me but i cannot bring myself to care as he speaks, “you are right, Kora. Rà is nothing but a fault in our vision and he needs to be removed.”

and then I can hear nothing but the the words the lion king had spoken before leaving, before his eyes had caressed my own as if he had needed -- wanted to tell me something

and i wish i wish i wish

but i know the lion king is right, my father is the king of fools and he would remain as such until every last person had succumb to his demands and fulfilled every dark craving my father had.

But i am nothing…

Nothing more than the daughter of fools.
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PostSubject: Re: What was Once Lost    Mon Sep 02, 2013 1:09 pm

Hugging Shakespeare to my chest, I feel the sudden urge to crawl into this book and let his words wash over me. I could breathe in the smell of rhythm and weep with Romeo.

Throwing my hood over my head to guard my features, I try and let my heart lead me somewhere – to him? I wish. I realize, too, that I can’t go back into the city because all of my proper clothes are burned and I would stand out like a shattered heart.

My feet guide me to a tree on the outskirts of this city. I take shelter under its variety of arms and see the sun wrap itself around the body.

Pulling my knees up to my chest, I open Shakespeare and I am whirled into his ideas. Loneliness flees at the thoughts of people speaking.

A cat hisses, jolting me from the world I have imagined and lived in inside my head. I see a fluffed up cat staring at me, golden eyes wild with fury as if I have stolen something of his.

“This is your shade?” I ask him, my voice cracking from the lack of use.

A hiss is the animal’s reply.

Closing my book, I stand up slowly, raising my hands in defense.

“What are you doing?” A deep voice produces words like gun shots and ooze out like oil. My heart does a flip flop into my throat. I cough twice to scold it.

Looking up, I see him standing there. It’s him – the one I dreamed about on the night the world ceased to exist.

Words find the escape door and my tongue clings to my teeth as if it is drowning in a mouth full of nothingness.

His voice digs into the back of my neck, taking hold my every thought of him. He’s actually here – standing mere metres away.

His body was smooth as sand. A needle must have shaved his jaw to kissing-induced perfection and then carved two eyes and placed the pigment of grass in them. Eyes I want to roll into and get lost in the tumbles.

The shock of seeing an animal for the first time in over a month does not settle in even when I go over his question and review his voice.

Emotions and Words crumble together in my head when they too realize that his words possessed no emotion. The endless green fields are blank and can only stare back at me. Hands relaxed in pockets of a tailored suit lets me know immediately that he is Broken.

But I will fix him.
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PostSubject: Re: What was Once Lost    Sat Sep 21, 2013 12:40 am

As he had lain in his bed earlier, he had been deep in thought. He had always said that the best time for thinking is in the dead of night, when your body is tired and your mind is livid, and the animals outside are lurking through the trees. Something about begging your mind to silence itself makes it louder and louder and louder.

But tonight he cursed his damned mind as it tumbled and tumbled and thought of everything. His everything.

She was trying to drive him crazy. He was sure of it. Why else would his mind think of nothing else even a fortnight after he had made his visit to the Counselor and his daughter?

While he should be focusing on the Dauntless people and helping them rebuild, he was instead day dreaming of the very eyes that had fixed upon him as soon as he had entered the room. Her expression had no changed, just as it never had any time he had been near her but those eyes.

Those eyes had looked at him as if she wanted to take a bite of him and savor every bit.
And damn him, he wanted to let her.

Rubbing his hand over his stubble-roughed face, he continued his trek into the stringent city that the Ruined occupied.

Today was the Scarlet Hour which took place once a month where those who chose to be Silent went into the clinics and reinstated the cold that filled and hid away their emotions. A day of grieving for Rà, except the fact that he knew the Counselor’s daughter chose this day to walk the gardens of her home.


Today, he would converse with her.
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